I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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