there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
