I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
