What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
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Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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