no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
