I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
