so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
