i was born a porn star she said
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
