Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
