I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
