eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
