Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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