He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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