I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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