Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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