Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My vagina is officially offended.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
