I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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