bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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