Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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