Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
