I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
