plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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