whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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