i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
