I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
