the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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