She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
