Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you never un-have a 4some
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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