Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
