I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
