Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
