It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
