Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
