I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
