The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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