theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
