Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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