oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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