i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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