My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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