Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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