I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
