don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
