what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
