this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
