I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize