R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
