Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
