What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
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I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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