I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize