How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
