somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
