my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
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She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
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the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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