the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
