in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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