Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize