Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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