I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
