he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
