What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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