How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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