he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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