literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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