i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
