how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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