why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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