party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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