I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
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