Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
