Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
