I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize